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messages from home

by ghostbusters VHS

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1.
old shame 02:01
i only learnt to see me the way that you made me to be and i learnt new ways to feel ashamed before i ever learnt anything i'd feel more comfortable here if one of us would just choose to disappear cos i see your face all over the place it's always you no matter how unclear first day out, a retreat the doctor was up to her knees i couldn't think and i sure couldn't speak cos i saw him again that week the way that it holds on to me it's embarrassing, honestly cos i'm sitting here after how many years i'm still terrified all the same
2.
telekinesis 01:42
i don't need to call we exchange through our brains your mind with its eye stares at mine we align there's a telephone exchange inside our eyelids won't you patch me right on through the same as I did i'll throw you a bone through the phone so you know the memo when i think what you think i'll just blink i'll just send a one or zero through the wire and i'll let you take the end i know i'm higher
3.
spike 02:23
home movie website i rip it all but it was all in black and white liquid crystal vision tear it up inside trace it back to ground and i'll keep it alive bend the bones and sell them keep your voices down laying low you know i keep it underground boy i wonder what that fool is up to now we call him family but he's not been around vacant vapour vendor take his collar off let him roam around he knows not to get lost we trained him well but you should tell him to go soft he's gonna go until you tell him when to stop break their bones and gnaw them shame he's such a fiend going crazy for those bones they broke his teeth boy i wonder what he'd say if he could speak i know that he could use a little gum relief canine calcium cruncher
4.
meat grinder 01:42
foreign footsteps up the bank i know who it is but its a secret we sit at the top of the crane he pulls it out - 'mascot man' which one are you having? the dream team, it's in my nightmare undefined but still living there the way he asks me that question "fit for a thing" the serpentine letter S, i can't catch it but he asks me if i like it maybe something more attainable it's not the noise it's the sound of the noises can you tell the scratch from the itch "don't give me none of that shit" lean in for an itch parting ways leg by leg stepping in to the meat grinder
5.
well I'm heading out down to the dock where it's only me and I'm floating away like the bottles out at sea hope my messages washes up on a lonely atlantic beach lifted away in a wave to a place you can't reach i'm cracking like pavements i dodge on my way home swimming with a sinking feeling pulling me like a stone what you ask me to do you should know it will be incomplete and the meanest thing i could tell you is the reality i look around and see i sure got more than i need so i throw it all out and i grow it again from a seed i'm cracking like pavements i dodge on my way home swimming with a sinking feeling pulling me like a stone it's closing me in like a shell, but not like a home summerhouse strangling me, some sick sad syndrome well i'm working on learning my way out of here alone and the further away that i get the more i feel at home i'm cracking like pavements i dodge on my walk home swimming with a sinking feeling pulling me like a stone the further away that i get the more i feel at home

about

the final ep from ghostbusters vhs

thank you to everyone who has listened, shared, played shows with us, let us sleep on their floor, driven us, played on songs, mixed, mastered, collaged, drawn, sung, talked, written, and welcomed us wherever you are. This was a solo project, but without the work and the love I've been so lucky to receive from so many people this project would be nothing.

I started this project when i was 15 and lost - now I'm 22 and the kindness and support I have felt and continue to feel from people I've met through ghostbusters really saved me. It has always been a deeply personal project to me (even if sometimes smothered in reverb to the point of unintelligibility) and these tracks represent some of the feelings from the past couple of years that this community's love has given me the courage to share - whether about loved ones, trauma, fantasy, depression, or stepping into a meat grinder one leg at a time.

this is the end for ghostbusters vhs but I'm not finished.

love u so much

credits

released December 25, 2022

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ghostbusters VHS Warrington, UK

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